I could never have become atheist. I have a hard time understanding the idea of such meaninglessness. You're born in a world that somehow became something from nothing, which is supposed to be impossible. The basic goodness we see across civilizations (e.g. no murder in cold blood, at least within your tribe or unit or class; no adultery; no stealing; no lying) comes from the need to survive cohesively rather than from any higher moral standard. Morality beyond that is at least somewhat subjective, though most people will try not to damage themselves and others with their words and deeds. Everything is lost at death, and there is no life beyond. Everything is meaningless. It makes the world feel like rubber to me--fake.
Here's a summation of atheism I heard today, and while some atheists may take offense at it and may have reasons why its not really completely correct, it sums up why I can't accept the non-existence of a designer of this universe.
"The belief that there was nothing and nothing happened to nothing then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything and then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself for no reason what so ever into self-replicating bits which turned into dinosaurs. Makes perfect sense.”
At least agnostics believes in something greater out there, they just don't have much definition of what, except maybe their ideas of being a good person to please it.
I have questions about my Christian faith often. I learned to question my faith instead of believe blindly. But it sure makes a lot more sense to me than the universe and humanity coming into existence from nothing without the catalyst of something uncreated.
That doesn't mean I have to deny reality. I just see God behind it.