The big thing about this one, was that my mom was going to come. I was nervous and excited all at once. Brandi and I did a bit of fasting--I don't know how much she did, but I ate lightly for a day or two, as I have too many acid reflux problems to completely skip multiple meals--and a lot of praying. Our big question was whether Brandi should lead a specific discussion on a Biblical topic, or whether we should just let it go and see what happened. Despite my fear that just letting it go would result in nothing spiritual really happening, that's what we ended up both realizing would have to happen. Brandi felt strongly that just talking could lead to something great, and I couldn't think of any topic that wouldn't directly have some contradiction to Mom's faith, which I didn't want to do.
There we were, all talking and laughing and just enjoying talking about life, and one of the ladies just opened up. She talked about how her husband has grown from barely wanting to go near God to attending church and actually believing--and then she started talking about something that struck my heart with excitement and wonder at God's greatness. She started talking about crazy, passionate love for God. The kind of love and enthusiasm that you just don't see in Mormon worship--if it could even be called worship, most Sundays, aside from the hymns.
I had prayed and prayed for God to plant a seed of his love and truth in Mom's heart that night. Its not that Mom doesn't believe in God and love him--she does, within the confines of the Mormon religion's way of loving and believing in him. But I want her to know the God in the Bible that I've come to find crazy love for. God's greatness in guiding this woman to open up this sort of conversation was nothing short of a miracle. I don't know what my mom thought of it--I don't know if she's thought of it since. It was everything Brandi and I prayed for, though.
I know I never knew crazy love for God before turning to Biblical Christianity. Yes, I loved him. Yes, I believed in him. Yes, I was grateful for Christ. Any passion, though, was born of "I have the truth and I will stand with it" rather than "God, you are great and I love you and worship you with all I am." This was not unique to me--its a Mormon thing in general, I've noticed. There's no excitement, no exuberance in their love and belief for God.
Since then, I've learned what it is to be high on Jesus, to be a "Jesus freak," to be excited about learning God's word and giving him true praise and worship. I've learned what it is to want to be edified by his teachings, rather than just be taught lessons over and over or listen to awkward talks. I've learned what it is to raise my voice and give myself to music in his praise--and whether a quiet hymn or a loud and excited song, the music is always about him.
I don't know if and when my mom will ever read this. I don't know if she'll be Mormon, Christian, or what when she does. But I want her to know, when she does, that this sort of love for God is what it means to truly be a Christian.
More Like Falling In Love: by Jason Gray
Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be
More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love
...It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me
