Crazy Love for God

Even when I was still LDS, if you'd asked me if I as a church member had a crazy love relationship with God, or if other LDS had an intimate and loving relationship with Him, I would have had to say no.

This isn't to say that the LDS don't love God at all, or that all who call themselves Christians are better at loving him. But the "you must do this to be good enough, and if you can do that you're going to move beyond being subject to God to being an equal with him" teachings of the church make it more difficult than I would have ever realized when I believed in it all.

The post above is a link to a video by author of "Crazy Love," Francis Chan. I read this book recently, am participating in a study of it at a local church, and plan to re-read it again soon. It has helped my relationship with God grow deeper and more beautiful than ever.

I find now that someone cannot call them self a true Christian, or honestly know they are saved from their sins, without having a true love relationship with God. It is all over the Bible:
"If ye love me, keep my commandments." John 14:15
the greatest commandment is to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind" (Luke 10:27) The second greatest it to love others.

I'm not sure how it could get much more obvious than that. If we love Christ, we keep his commandments, and he commands us to love.

Think about the person you love most in life. If you're happily married or in a very serious relationship, this is probably very easy. Can you imagine ever thinking about this person and going, "There has to be something better than this, something beyond just being with them"? Can you imagine looking at them and knowing you have all the love they can give you, and wanting more?

This is what people do to God every day. I remember thinking when I was LDS that there had to be more than just going to heaven and being with God forever. But I never thought of feeling that way about my future husband, nor do I feel that way about my husband now that I am married. Is that right? Should we love God less than we love our spouses, when the greatest commandment is to love him?

If you were to read the New Testament without any preconceptions, do you think you'd find church in the way that many people do church? The way you do church? The way that your religion is? Or do you think that you would find that you were supposed to love God and people as much as you can and that's all Christ truly asks of us?

Don't you want that sort of love relationship with God? Do you have it? I've found that its the most amazing thing you ever could have, and you can never get enough of it.

The Trinity

I once completely ascribed to the LDS notion that the Trinity just didn't make sense. How could one being be three? How could God just be a blob of Spirit or Light or something immaterial? Didn't that limit who and what he was? Why would he say we were made in his image if we weren't?

Well, amazingly, the Trinity can be correct--and it is Biblical--without flying in the face of those questions.

First of all, let's look at the simple reasoning that if there is only one God, then Jesus had to either be God or not be divine at all. Isaiah 43:10 and 44:6, 8 establish this very well. Notice how definite God is:
Before me no god was formed,
nor will there be one after me.
I am the first and I am the last;
apart from me there is no God.
Is there any God besides me?
No, there is no other Rock; I know not one.

Now, if you accept there is only one God, then you have to ask if Jesus was divine. First of all, the heresy that he was not divine was originally called Arianism, and fighting that heresy is the reason that the doctrine of the Trinity was established so firmly. Also, how else could a human be perfect? We were sinful by nature: it is impossible for us to be completely perfect as creations with free will and a knowledge of good and evil which allows us to use that fee will to sin. Furthermore, a mere human couldn't break the bonds of death for everyone and take on the sins of the world for all.

There are many verses that support Jesus being God, including John 1:1,14 and the last few verses of John 8 (Christ identifies himself as "I am," as God does in the burning bush in Exodus), and many others.

It was not in God's physical image that we were made, but in his spiritual image. Before Joseph Smith tampered with the verse, John 4:24 read:
"God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth."

Furthermore, we are made up of multiple parts: just consider the separation of body and spirit upon our deaths. I've also been told that our soul is our third part, but I'm not educated upon that aspect, so I can only give so much. I can say, though, that it makes us very much like God indeed: God and our spirit are comparable, Jesus and our bodies are comparable, and the Holy Spirit and perhaps our souls are comparable. We are as triune in nature as God.

I would urge any curious LDS reader to study deeply in the scriptures on whether or not the Trinity is supported within the precious pages. And for those who would say it can't be doctrine because it isn't expressly said in the verses: remember, "monotheism" isn't expressly said either.

The Spirit

I ended up spending General Conference weekend in a Mormon household due to my grandpa's failing health. I mostly read or talked with my husband while my LDS family listened to the Conference, so I didn't hear much of it, but I did hear a few things that I couldn't help but think, "That is so Biblically incorrect!"

The one I was most moved by was the claim that you must be baptized before you can receive the Spirit. The Bible makes it clear that salvation comes through faith in Christ alone, and that the Spirit testifies in Christ and then dwells in you when you accept Christ. Baptism is not necessary to this--you can read my earlier post on baptism to emphasize and understand baptism's importance and Biblical meaning.

I also thought of the man on the cross beside Jesus, who Jesus promised would be in heaven with him despite the man's sins--I seriously doubt that the man had time to be baptized for those sins, yet he was saved at that moment.

There are many Biblical accounts of people who have no record of being baptized who have the Spirit--Pentecost being a mass experience of this, not to mention the apostles themselves.

Receiving the Spirit is so much more beautiful than a "You must do A to get B," especially considering that Jesus isn't going to deny someone his Spirit if the person accepts Jesus and isn't able to obtain baptism. My Jesus wouldn't, anyways, and I frankly don't want your Jesus if he's that unloving.

No, receiving the Spirit is part of the joy of finding Christ--it is truly becoming the Body of Christ, his Church, his Bride. Since it is Christ's Spirit (and God's Spirit, they being a trinity), you are now the body of his spirit upon accepting him as your Lord and Savior. You are part of his priesthood, his purpose, part of him. This is what it means when Jesus tells God that he and God are one and they will let us be one with them--we are all part of the same body, the same spirit--all a part of God.

A Small Miracle

Last Tuesday, my sister-in-law, Brandi, hosted her second monthly Christian Ladies' Night. This is mostly just a night to get away from men, children, jobs, housekeeping, and whatever else might besiege us, and have some coffee (or my case, chai tea--yum!) with some friends with whom a faith is shared. The fellowship is great.

The big thing about this one, was that my mom was going to come. I was nervous and excited all at once. Brandi and I did a bit of fasting--I don't know how much she did, but I ate lightly for a day or two, as I have too many acid reflux problems to completely skip multiple meals--and a lot of praying. Our big question was whether Brandi should lead a specific discussion on a Biblical topic, or whether we should just let it go and see what happened. Despite my fear that just letting it go would result in nothing spiritual really happening, that's what we ended up both realizing would have to happen. Brandi felt strongly that just talking could lead to something great, and I couldn't think of any topic that wouldn't directly have some contradiction to Mom's faith, which I didn't want to do.

There we were, all talking and laughing and just enjoying talking about life, and one of the ladies just opened up. She talked about how her husband has grown from barely wanting to go near God to attending church and actually believing--and then she started talking about something that struck my heart with excitement and wonder at God's greatness. She started talking about crazy, passionate love for God. The kind of love and enthusiasm that you just don't see in Mormon worship--if it could even be called worship, most Sundays, aside from the hymns.

I had prayed and prayed for God to plant a seed of his love and truth in Mom's heart that night. Its not that Mom doesn't believe in God and love him--she does, within the confines of the Mormon religion's way of loving and believing in him. But I want her to know the God in the Bible that I've come to find crazy love for. God's greatness in guiding this woman to open up this sort of conversation was nothing short of a miracle. I don't know what my mom thought of it--I don't know if she's thought of it since. It was everything Brandi and I prayed for, though.

I know I never knew crazy love for God before turning to Biblical Christianity. Yes, I loved him. Yes, I believed in him. Yes, I was grateful for Christ. Any passion, though, was born of "I have the truth and I will stand with it" rather than "God, you are great and I love you and worship you with all I am." This was not unique to me--its a Mormon thing in general, I've noticed. There's no excitement, no exuberance in their love and belief for God.

Since then, I've learned what it is to be high on Jesus, to be a "Jesus freak," to be excited about learning God's word and giving him true praise and worship. I've learned what it is to want to be edified by his teachings, rather than just be taught lessons over and over or listen to awkward talks. I've learned what it is to raise my voice and give myself to music in his praise--and whether a quiet hymn or a loud and excited song, the music is always about him.

I don't know if and when my mom will ever read this. I don't know if she'll be Mormon, Christian, or what when she does. But I want her to know, when she does, that this sort of love for God is what it means to truly be a Christian.

More Like Falling In Love: by Jason Gray

Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

Give me words
I'll misuse them
Obligations
I'll misplace them
'Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It's gotta be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It's like I'm falling, oh
It's like I'm falling in love

...It's like I'm falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me

What is there to lose?

I have a wonderful mother. She's as much of a friend as she is a parent, and she does pretty well at both. When in comes down to it, my whole family is a good family. Sure, my dad gets over protective, but I'm his oldest child and only daughter, its kinda a given. Sure, my brother can be annoying, but his a little brother, what else do I expect? I was always so happy to know that I'd be with them in eternity, when I was Mormon.

I think one of the most painful things said to me when I left the church was my mom's question: "You know we're going to lose you for eternity if you leave, right?"

My mom has said a few times that she's got nothing to lose by staying in the LDS Church. And I know that she feels that if she left, she might lose everything she holds dear in this world: her family.

I often wish, so badly, that I could just take her hand, look her in the eye, and say, "Mom, do you really believe God is so cruel that he would separate a loving family just because they didn't belong to a specific religion?"

And what would she have to lose then, if she understood that? If she understood that a loving God won't separate a family like that? He judges on your heart, not your religion, after all. But eternal, inseparable family is a huge draw in the Mormon church, and people will close their mind to so many things just so they won't lose that promise.

But how could God say he is love if he separates those who love each other with some of the deepest bonds known on earth? I don't want to believe in that God, but I had to when I was Mormon, because that's what we were told: if your family isn't sealed to you, if your husband and children aren't sealed to you, you won't have them in heaven. It puts an individual under immense pressure to do everything right to be good enough for that God in order to get where they want to be: there's no grace in that. Grace is a gift, after all, not wages for work done.

I wish so badly I could show her how much she really is losing in that religion. All the falsehoods and twisted teachings aside, where is Christ? Where is salvation in him? Over a few months at church, how many lessons do you get on Christ? How thoroughly is he mentioned? If you're not learning the New Testament (and perhaps even if you are) its probably a lot less than you realized, once you pay attention. How can you be Christian if you barely learn of Christ?

You are losing Christ.

I thought, for the longest time, that if I left the religion, I'd be losing so much: prophets, revelations from leaders, scriptures and teachings beyond what others have. When I realized it was all false, that it was all just the falsehoods of a man seeking power, it was so easy to let go. It really only needed one false prophecy to show me that man was a false prophet: I found several.

And what did I gain shortly after leaving? I gained Christ! And more than that, I gained the love and peace of knowing God was always going to be in my heart. I realized that all everything was, all every Christian teaching ever has been, is love. God, Christ, any decent faith in the world, is about love and striving to be a better person in love.

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me...

You lose nothing.

I wish I could say that to my mom, to my whole family, and truly be heard.

Angels

I don't remember much from my last Sunday attending the Mormon church. I'd already decided to leave--I think it was the night before that I'd found the things that made me say "I can't belong to this church."

I do remember sitting in Sacrament meeting beside my fiance, now husband, with our shared knowledge that we sat in a church that was anything but the only true church, and opened up to the Bible Dictionary in my quad, and I looked up what it said about angels.

I've done little research about angels in the Christian understanding, but I knew, reading that, that it was not right. My husband found what it said absolutely ridiculous. We sat there in that little shared bubble of disbelief, basically ignoring the speakers.

Angels are important to me for a big reason, and yet they're such a small part of everything I've come to learn about.

I'd been on my path to leaving the church for a long time, though I hadn't even realized it for most of it and denied it for a while longer when it became more obvious there at the end, during the big arguments over godhood with my husband. My all-important prayer to try to bring my husband back into the church seemed to be missing something. Or rather, I knew I wasn't understanding part of the answer. Really, what God was saying to me was simple. "Yes, you can try to bring him back, and I'll use your attempt to show you that you are meant to be with him. But, when you've made that decision, I'm going to lead you out of the church." I just wasn't hearing the last part.

Then, late at night, talking on the phone with him, I don't even remember what about now, much of the same I think, my fiance said something that stopped my heart and changed everything. He mentioned angels.

The seed for this had been planted months before. I'd gone to church with a non-Mormon friend, and she started talking about angels. I didn't know a lot of what she was talking about, and she was surprised. I thought then that it would be interesting to learn more about angels and the differences between Christianity and Mormonism in the view of angels, but for some reason never did. But...I knew there was a difference, and I knew I didn't know why.

So when Steven made that simple comment, the specifics of which I don't even remember now, I realized I wanted to learn more about the differences. And right then, I decided to start my research.

Perhaps we have guardian angels, after all.

Title of the Blog

I don't think I've yet talked about the title of my blog--because that is definitely how I feel about leaving Mormonism: I escaped godhood.

Why do I feel this way about that teaching? Why is escaping godhood such a relief to me?

Well, for one, its such a prideful teaching. It brings deity down to our level. Even the Greeks, Romans, and similar societies with many gods never brought their gods down to the level of ever having been a mere man. Even Egyptians believed their pharaohs to be more than just men from birth, as far as I know. It is prideful to think that we can become divine to the point of being all-powerful, all-knowing, and forever perfect.

I remember when I was still Mormon wondering if the reason we don't use most of our brains is because that's what makes us gods. Its kind of like how sci-fi shows say that aliens can communicate telepathically or use other higher brain functions because they use more of their brains than we do. Because of the way I had been taught, I reduced God's omniscience, omnipotence, and all his greatness down to brain capacity.

Aside from the pride and lackluster of an imperfect man turned perfect god (in which case he was once not perfect, and in theory is capable of being imperfect again), I don't like the role it put me into.

My role as a woman? I would marry a priesthood holder and be sealed to him, have no power in God's name on earth except to provide bodies for more spirits, die, hopefully go to the Celestial Kingdom, eventually become a goddess...and make lots of spirit babies as my husband created a world for them by arranging matter into a planet, and then watch in unacknowledged silence as my children suffered and struggled through the world, knowing only a portion of them would ever come back to me, and that many would never know me in that life, because my husband and his prophets thought it "inappropriate to pray to the Heavenly Mother," (to quote Gordon B. Hinckley).

It sounds rather more like sexual slavery, or perhaps motherhood slavery, rather than goddess-hood. I wouldn't even get my own world, I'd get my husband's. Assuming he was good enough to become a god. If he wasn't, what then? Would I be assigned to some other man as one of his wives? Would I be forever doomed to live without having spirit children, languishing in one place for all of eternity as everyone else moved on?

And where does it all end? Where does it all begin? Having a birth, a beginning of being, implies a beginning and an end. At least a beginning, somewhere...yet Mormons never talk about a first God, or where he might have come from...the implication is often that its just a big continuous circle of eternity, but how could that be? Marriage is a forever commitment, at least to people who actually choose to commit, and it certainly is in Mormonism, yet there's a beginning to that, even if there's no end. Would a continuous line of gods and their wives not be different?

It is far easier to accept a single, truly eternal God with no beginning nor end--time never was until humans were, because we live lives that have a beginning. Is that necessarily in our comprehension? No. We're humans. We don't even use our whole brain capacity. But it makes a lot more sense than the Mormon view. And as a female, its a whole lot more fair to not be subject to my husband when it comes to my salvation and "exaltation" (which I no longer believe in)--my salvation should be between me and God alone, and should not rely on anyone else. If I went through my life alone with just a Bible, I'd be able to get to Christ. But in the Mormon religion, I wouldn't be able to become a Goddess.

And yet another reason is the arduous and often way too controlling requirements of attaining godhood. If you don't do A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,and K, and probably L, M, and N too, you won't get there. And since your a sinner and can't do A-N perfectly all the time, you have to just hope you repented well enough each time you slipped up so that you'll still be good enough when you die. Whereas in Christianity all you have to do is have faith. When you have faith, when you believe in something good, when you strive for goodness because of your faith, you have done enough. And the faith is the key. All the other things will fall into place because of the path of goodness you have chosen through faith. And right there, you've gotten everything you can ever hope to receive as an imperfect human--faith, grace, peace, and the promise of something better.

Baptism

Before anything else, I want to establish that I do believe that baptism is a commandment in the Bible, and therefore should not be left out for one who is turning/has turned to Christ and wishes to be obedient to the commandments, as someone with real faith does.

I was shocked today when I found out that my sister-in-law (whose amazing: love you Brandi) had never connected baptism with repentance. Having grown up Mormon that was one of the biggest connections made with baptism. Baptism=washing away of sins.

Now, after a bit of study and my new perspective on things, I see baptism as not a requirement for salvation (as Mormons take it because of John 3:5), but rather as the physical symbol of the spiritual baptism, which is the only way to enter the kingdom of God. That's the big difference. Spiritual baptism comes when a person is first saved by faith. Physical baptism is a representation of this: we go through water (as in physical birth) to show a rebirth. But the actual baptism that saves is of the Spirit.

I wouldn't claim to be an expert on this, but I've learned to follow a general rule, which is that if there are many verses that say one thing (e.g. salvation is only through faith) and one verse that says something potentially contradictory (e.g. salvation comes through baptism) then the contradictory interpretation of the single verse is probably incorrect. So in this instance, the non-contradictory interpretation is that the baptism that saves is that of the spirit. The spirit is mentioned in the all-important John 3:5.

John 3
5Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter into the kingdom of God.

Some of the next verses are interesting, though.

6"That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7"Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again.' 8"The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit."

However, physical baptism being required for salvation or not, the relationship with repentance was made so clear to me throughout my childhood. And even now, no longer being Mormon, the relationship is undeniable. When we are saved, we turn from our non-Christian ways and strive for goodness and obedience and self-betterment. Or at least that's what happens ideally: we all get stuck along the way. We're only human. No matter what, though, baptism is a rebirth. And what are we being reborn from? A fallen state. We, as humans, will always be cursed by the fall of Adam. Once we are saved, though, we have found the source of redemption--the cleansing of sins through faith. And this is what baptism represents. This is why I want to get re-baptized as a Christian. I want to show God, through obedience to this commandment, through the ritual washing away of sins, that I have truly come to him in spirit.

The First Visit (& Thoughts on Missions)

Just a few days ago, my husband and I got a knock on our door. An elder missionary couple, serving the church in their retirement, was standing there with smiles and the hope that we wouldn't slam the door in their faces. Being civilized and not having a problem with the people in the church, we not only didn't slam the door, we invited them in.

What somewhat bothered me off the bat was when they were walking in, looked at Steven, and asked if his last name was Grenier. Not our last name. And they were looking for "a guy by the last name of Grenier who was living with his girlfriend."

I was very pleased to tell them that we were not only married, but had been for six months. I didn't tell them that we'd never lived together as just boyfriend and girlfriend. We were already engaged. Its still not technically marriage, but we were committed to each other for life already.

Then they asked him how long he'd been a member, and were all pleased to hear that he was a fairly new member, and then the man looked at me and asked, "and did you know he was Mormon when you two got married? How'd you feel about that?"

"I was born Mormon," I informed him.

They were floored. And so was I. My records were in the local ward, I knew my bishop from my parents' town had transferred them as well as Steven's. Yet they had no idea that I was still technically Mormon as far as my records existing in the church, and had been such since birth.

They of course asked us if we were attending church, and we told them about our nondenominational Christian church attendance. They invited us to come to church, and thankfully then started talking about the ward, so instead of having to give them an answer, I was able to tell them that I'd been in that ward for four years in the past, and then they were interested in who I know who still goes there.

Overall, it was a pleasant conversation, other than being a little bothered by their initial misinformation and the short message they gave us at the end despite knowing that we knew all of what they were saying. We told them they could come back in a month. She said she may drop by with brownies sometime, which we weren't about to say no to. They can come over on occasion, we have no issue with that. They're a very nice couple, and all the more welcome for any dessert they come with.

A talk with my sister-in-law brought up a very good point about what they were doing, though. When someone leaves a church, coming to their house and asking them to come back is invading space and assuming that what they have isn't good enough. Sometimes they're right, what the person left the church for isn't good, but that doesn't make trying to get them back to the church right. And if this very pleasant, faithful couple asks why we left, they aren't going to like the answers, and chances are, they're still going to think that we should come back.

When I first started trying to share with other Mormons what I have found, someone who was talking about going on a mission soon (he may be on one now for all I know) freaked out at me, telling me I was messed up for trying to push my beliefs on other people. I wasn't just telling people. I was giving them the invitation to find out if they wanted to know. And this guy was about to go on a mission. How was what he was doing different, when you come down to it? But because he thinks he has the truth, and my findings are against that truth, what I was doing was "messed up," but a two-year mission was okay.

What's even more bothersome about this is the way missionaries often get converts. I watched the process with my husband, participated in it myself. Perhaps his leaving the church in only six months was my own fault, because I didn't try to hide things about the church: if it came up, then I'd talk about it. And what came up that got my husband so bothered was something that most Mormons don't learn about for months, if not years, after their conversation: becoming gods.

Missionaries are trained to talk about the restoration, necessitated by a universal apostasy that there's not really any historical context for; the preexistence and the plan of salvation, perhaps mentioning exaltation but not that that means becoming gods; temple marriage and eternal families and other eternal benefits exclusive to Mormon ordinances; the standards and values of the church and the requirements for temple attendance (including paying the church 10% of your income as a requirement instead of a choice); and the Book of Mormon being found and translated and being the "fullness of the Gospel," then asking the potential convert to only read and pray so that manifestation of truth is purely based on feelings, without a single mention of any support of its historical context or the fact that it doesn't actually contain the fullness of the Mormon gospel.

So this person feels the brotherhood of the church, sees the cleanness and high values and tight-knit families, feels welcomed and excited, and they're getting good feelings because of all these positive things (who wouldn't?), but they barely know what they really believe. They know all the happy feel-good things, which there are plenty of in the LDS community. But they don't know of the un-Christian, un-Biblical, unprovable things, and when they learn of some of them, they're too enmeshed and faithful to leave...or they leave and never want to come back, like my husband.

The rate of people being converted is definitely not to be laughed at. Missionaries are sent out to places that are often prime pickings and get many converts. But the amount of people who remain in the church by the end of their first year is much lower, and the church knows this. When my husband was first converted, I heard over and over about how holding to our values and getting to church often was very important, especially during the first year.

Perhaps if missionaries were trained to tell the whole story at the beginning--to mention becoming gods in their explanation of the plan of salvation, to talk about how Christ is just our elder brother and so is Satan, and Christ is not just a separate being from God, he's a second god, and all the other controversial things that Mormons do believe, they'd get far less converts, but a lot more people would stay after conversion.

The Priesthood

As Mormons define it: the authority to act in the name of God.

Now that I look at just that definition, I cringe. Why would God deny his children the ability to act in his name just because they didn't have the Melchizedek or Aaronic priesthood--e.g., be a worthy male Mormon twelve or older.

A thorough look at Hebrews, especially chapter 7, tell us some simple things that show how wrong that is. 7:12 tells us that there is a change in the priesthood and the law. Well, when did the law change? When Christ changed it through his atonement. And so the priesthood changed as well. The same chapter, as well as chapter 5, also tell us that Christ is the high priest and the only one we'll ever need. One of the words used in the original Hebrew to describe Christ's priesthood actually is literally translated as "untransferable inviolate." Which means that only Christ holds the priesthood and it cannot be violated or changed. The reason that Christ's priesthood is described as being after the order of Melchizedek is because Christ, like Melchizedek, lives forever, and is not of the tribe of Aaron. Melchizedek, like so many other people and things of the Old Testament, was simply a symbol of Christ.

So what is the priesthood now? is what Mormons will ask me. Its beautiful, is what it is. The first chapter of Revelation tells us: "To him who loves us and has released us from our sins by his own blood--he has made us a kingdom of priests for his God and Father--to him be glory and power forever."

1 Peter 2:9-10 says "You are the chosen race, the royal priesthood, the consecrated nation, his own people, so that you may declare the virtues of him who has called you out of darkness into his wonderful light; you who were once no people, but are now God's people"

And Romans 12:4-6 and 1 Corinthians 12:27 tell us that we are the body of Christ.

No wonder we're a royal priesthood, a chosen race, a kingdom of priests! We are the body of Christ, because we have his Spirit residing within us! We have Christ's own priesthood and authority! As long as we are in line with his will, his Word, and his love, our faith is our authority! Our faith is our belief! This is why we do not need prophets of the sort of the Mormon church--we have both the prophets of the Bible and we have a direct link to God himself! And apostles? We have their testament in a beautiful book along with the prophets. Is it a coincidence that the Old Testament is the prophets, and the New Testament is the apostles? And every one of us can take time to learn God's word well enough to teach it and evangelize to others. We have all the requirements for being the true church, for having true authority, just by being Christians!

When I was Mormon, it was not that simple. I never saw a miracle done by the priesthood that couldn't either be explained by faith, natural causes, or, worst of all, by Satan's own deceptions. Perhaps that sounds cynical. But I have experienced blessings that only God's goodness in creating this world and setting it in motion in the way he wanted could have blessed me with, and there is no possible way that Satan did that, and I can't believe that this life is all for nothing, just a series of meaningless things that have come together to create this life.

I struggled with the priesthood for the while because I couldn't see how God could be so sexist. When it was in the Old Testament, only the men of the tribe of Levi could hold the priesthood. It was so specific that it was harder to call it sexist. It was for a specific purpose (sacrifice for sins, which was fulfilled in Christ, the ultimate and final sacrifice) and those people, because of their faithfulness at a crucial time, earned the right to the priesthood.

But the Mormon priesthood isn't like that. Its made in such a way that a woman can't even lay her hands on her child's head and heal him or her in the name of Christ, by the priesthood--but a man can. Why was I to be denied the rights that I had as a believer just because I was a woman? I finally got some "answer" because certain women in the temple are allowed to do certain priesthood ordinances for other women because gender separation in those things keeps the men from administering them. And they said that it was so sacred for a woman to hold the priesthood for those ordinances, and I liked hearing that. A good example of the pride that exists in the church, because of its exclusivity.

The answer wasn't actually satisfying, but it felt like God was telling me "don't worry, I know you're struggling with this."

How beautiful was the truth when I found it. How beautiful is the true answer. I cannot help but marvel at what I continue to learn, and how much Christ is easing the bitterness and pride left from my experiences and showing me the beauty of what he offers those who accept the one and only God of love and truth as their own.